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A New Hope
per The Net Wars Trilogy
13 jul 2003
A long time ago in a network far, far too close...
It is a period of computer war.
Rebel programs, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Gatesactic Empire.
During the battle, Rebel
spies managed to steal source
code to the Empire's
ultimate weapon, the INTERNET
EXPLODER, a web browser
program with enough bugs to
destroy an entire hard disk.
Pursued by the Empire's
sinister agents, Princess
Lina races home aboard her
TCP/IP, custodian of the
stolen code that can save
her people and restore
freedom to the internet...
13 jul 2003
<p align="center"><i>Hace mucho tiempo, en una red, lejos, lejos o demasiado cerca...</i>
</p><p align="center">Es una época de guerra de ordenadores.
<br>Programas rebeldes, huelgas
<br>desde una base oculta, han ganado
<br>su primera victoria contra
<br>el demoniaco Imperio Gatesactic.
</p><p align="center">Durante la batalla, espias
<br>rebeldeldes consiguieron robar codigo
<br>fuente la arma final
<br>del Imperio, INTERNET
<br>EXPLODER, un navegador
<br>con suficientes bugs como
<br>para destruir un disco duro entero.
</p><p align="center">Convencida por los agentes
<br>siniestros del Imperio, Princess
<br>Lina avanza hacia casa sobre su
<br>TCP/IP, custodiando el
<br>codigo robado que puede salvar
<br>a su gente y restaurar
<br>libertad para internet...<br></p>
13 jul 2003
As Princess Lina's network is attacked by the Gatesactic Megalohard Empire forces, led by evil Darth Vallmer, she has just time to entrust the code of the Internet Exploder to a faithful little black-and-white robot, Teeyoo-Extoo (TUX2) just before she is captured by Darth Vallmer's agents. TUX2 and his friend Eye-Threeightsix (I386, a rather strange and complex entity, nice to see but pretty stupid, with an unbelievably tortuous manner of speach) flee aboard a UDP packet (which is certainly large enough to contain all the useful code in the Internet Exploder). Meanwhile, the Princess is captured and despite her being a member of the POSIX committee Darth Vallmer has her taken prisoner, for he knows that she is part of the Free Software Alliance.
After being captured by a secondhand hardware dealer, the droids are sold to a small site as means of communicating with the administrating demons. There they encounter young Lukus Torvalker, who is tired of helping his uncle and aunt with boring system administrating tasks and dreams of becoming a programmer - something his uncle will not hear. While e2fsck'ing TUX2, Lukus discovers a part of an MPEG file in a deleted inode. The movie shows Princess Lina begging a certain ``Ori-Chan Stallobi'' to help her. In fact, the small robot insists on finding this Ori-Chan - who he claims lives on this network - and actually flees to try to deliver the message to him.
Trying to find the runaway robot, and also intrigued by this Ori-Chan business - he may be related to the hermit Rick Stallobi - Lukus leaves the home system, taking I386 with him. He is attacked by a bunch of pirates but is saved from them by Rick Stallobi himself, who claims to have been once called Ori-Chan. The two men and the two droids return to Ori-Chan's home, and TUX2 delivers Princess Lina's full message, in which she begs him get the Internet Exploder's code delivered to Berkelaan to have it analysed. Ori-Chan, in turn, asks Lukus to accompany him in this quest, as he is getting too old for this. He also talks to Lukus about the Hackers, the guardians of the balance in the computer world before the dark times of Megalohard, and about the Source, which gives the Hacker his power. He gives Lukus a debugger - the Hacker's weapon - which had belonged to his father: Lukus' father, says he, had been one of the best programmers of his time, but had been killed by Darth Vallmer, the destroyer of Hackers.
At first, Lukus is reluctant to follow Ori-Chan; but as they discover that Megalohard's troups, while trying to track the droids and the code they transport, have crashed Lukus' home system and killed his uncle and aunt, Lukus is finally convinced and decides to learn the Way of the Source to become a Hacker like his father before him. The two men and the two robots make their way to M-Eitey where they meet Alan Colo, a software pirate who is in need of money to pay back Java the Script. Colo and his friend Hurdbacca, a Gnu-like furry creature, are willing to take Lukus, Ori-Chan, TUX2 and I386 all the way to Berkelaan on their very fast ethernet, the Megabaud Falcon, for a substantial price.
In the mean time, aboard the Internet Exploder, the Megalohardians, led by Darth Vallmer, are making their diabolical plans. The Megalohard Emperor, BilG Brother, has dissolved the POSIX committee, and so nothing will now stop the evil Empire's progress towards absolute power over the Internet. In order to make Princess Lina speak, Darth Vallmer has the devilish idea of threatening to use the Empire's ultimate weapon against her home system of Berkelaan. She speaks - a lie - but Darth Vallmer neverless proceeds to the attack: in a minute, billions die as the entire Berkelaan network and disks are blown to pieces by the Internet Exploder's size.
So it is to a crashed system that Lukus and his companions arrive; and they are captured by the Internet Exploder. There, while Ori-Chan sets forth to deactivate the badly organized security systems so that they can leave again, TUX2 discovers easily by tapping in the system that Princess Lina is held prisonner. Lukus convinces Alan (by telling him of the Princess's wealth) that they should try to rescue her. They move all the way to the center of the web, free her from her array cell, heroically escape through a forgotten back door (which is full of bugs), and make their way back to the Megabaud Falcon in time to see Darth Vallmer and Ori-Chan Stallobi finish their debugger fight. Under Lukus' amazed eyes, Ori-Chan lets himself be terminated, so that the others can flee safely - and he disappears, to Vallmer's amazement, without even leaving a core behind.
The others flee the devilish web and return to the Free Software Alliance headquarters to have the code analyzed, unaware that at the same time Darth Vallmer is stracing them to discover the IP of the Alliance. The rebels analyse the code and find the obvious flaw - sending a packet on the right port should cause the Exploder to destroy itself. It is then a question of who destroys the other first and the battle starts. Lukus is grieved that Alan refuses to partake in the battle, but neverless boards an X-Wingdows ship with TUX2 and joins the other rebels in their attack against the Internet Exploder. Many valiant programmers segfault during the fight, and Lukus himself would have been destroyed by Darth Vallmer had it not been for Colo's sudden return, who saves him and disconnects the evil lord.
Just as Lukus is about to use the X-Wingdows interface to send the critical packet, he gets a message from Ori-Chan: ``Use the Source, Lukus!'' So he does, and with the help of the Source, he is able to send the packet at the right moment on the right port: the Internet Exploder is destroyed! The Free Software Alliance rejoices.
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